a tiny story about being yourself

on being 'very ralph' vs. being 'very yourself'

Ralph Lauren has a restaurant. It’s in New York, and it’s called The Polo Bar.

You can only get in with a reservation, and so your name is checked at the door. The entire restaurant is dark brown wood and dark green, with pictures of horses and polo players and Ralph Lauren paraphernalia. In true RL style, there are fabulously expensive cocktails, using god-knows-how-old scotch, with rare bitters, etc. etc.

But, there is also a great veggie burger, which was like $25 with an enormous heaping of fries. For such a high class place, I thought that was a fantastic deal, and tried to stop in whenever I was in NY and could get a reservation.

The custom suit using Korean fabric + a friend

Ok, that’s the background, and here’s the short story about being yourself:

I’ve been there maybe five times, and on the second or third time, I walked in wearing a silver blazer made of fabric I bought at a market in Seoul. It was shiny and ornamented. The hostess’ face lit up, giving me a wide smile, saying ‘I like your suit, I it’s very Ralph.’

I thought it was a little funny my custom suit with Korean fabric was ‘very Ralph’ but nonetheless appreciated the compliment.

The next time I was there, perhaps six months later, It was winter, so I wore a polo bear hoodie (the same polo bear hoodie I talked about in Symbols vs. Sources). The same hostess was there, and noticed my sweater, but she didn’t even smile at me, and, if anything, was a bit rude.

The bear sweater

Maybe she was just having a bad day, but it was still remarkable that I was wearing the mascot of the brand of the restaurant, and I got no warmth, but when I wore my own thing, she said I looked ‘very Ralph’.

It’s dangerous to over index two interactions, but that wasn’t the only time that happened with that suit.

I had it custom made in Seoul, after finding the fabric at Dongdaemun market.

Through translators and broken English, the vendor explained it was for women, usually used in wedding dresses, and was amused, that I wanted to buy it. She took me to a tailor, who, after laughing at me—because it was a fabric for women—agreed to make the suit. (He laughed in a bemused rather than aggressively mean way, was affordable, and I didn’t know where else to go, so I still went with him.)

When I picked up the suit a week later, I went with the same helpful woman from the fabric market to pick it up. This time, the suitmaker had totally changed his tune. The woman said he was excited, and wanted to try making suits from different fabrics.

The coconut cake there is great.

But beyond the obvious lesson of trusting your gut and being willing to ditch dumb gender or fashion stereotypes, there is a different lesson here:

People see the world through their own lens, and their own vantage point. When you impress them—as I impressed the Ralph Lauren woman—they will sometimes see your success through their pre existing worldview.

My custom suit, using Korean fabric for women, was suddenly ‘Very Ralph’.

It’s too cute to say, but in that moment and especially looking back, I just thought to myself ‘no, it’s very me.’

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