This writing exercise just might change your life

Why writing down the most optimistic version of events can help you turn things around.

When I'm feeling down, there's a simple writing exercise I do to help turn things around:

Write out the most optimistic version of your own life, written from the perspective of someone who interprets everything in the most loving, supportive, and positive way possible.

Don't ignore hardship, but try to find a silver lining, lesson for the future, or chance for growth. Be as optimistic as you can, short of delusion.

It's your choice what to write about, and how to do it. I think it's helpful to mostly focus on specific situations but occasionally, you can zoom out and write about the scope of your own life. If you find it hard to write first person statements, you can always write about yourself in the third person, e.g. 'Alex didn't get the job he wanted, but the preparation for the interview helped him re-evaluate his career path. '

This works for me because so many aspects of our lives depend on interpretation. Taking the optimistic view forces us to reframe difficult times, which itself helps us overcome those same difficulties.

I find that even if I don't fully agree with the most optimistic version of events, forcing myself to write that out shows me that alternative interpretations are possible, and that itself can help.

I have more to say but that is basically the entire exercise, so I would encourage you to try it out before reading more!

---

✨ Poetry Culture is quietly expanding. We’re about to launch new creative tools and resources for subscribers ($50/yr) and founding ($99/yr) members. I’m also handwriting thank you notes to everyone who joins a paid tier. I hope you’ll consider joining us on this journey! ✨ More on that in future posts <3

---

Okay! We’re back. Or you just decided to keep reading, which is okay too! Let’s talk more about why this works (for me) with some more details.

(Almost) everything is interpretation

One reason I think this exercise is so powerful is that in many dark stories we can find the possibility of light, and improvement, and progress. And in many events that others might see as failures or mistakes, we can see immense fortitude and strength.

Let’s use running a marathon as both an allegory and a specific example.

There are fast runners and slow runners. Confident professionals, scared first-timers, and fans, family members, and support staff. As in life more broadly, people run for different reasons, with different abilities, viewpoints, goals and life experiences. In short, everyone has a story.

What is more inspiring? The elite runner who wins a marathon by running 10 seconds faster than their competition? Or is it the person who finishes the same race dead last?

As a society, we only talk about the 'winners' of the race, but by simply persevering, the last finisher also won in their own way. In some ways, mentally, their challenge was even tougher than the pro, because they may have doubted whether they could finish at all. Likewise, even the person who gave up halfway showed the courage of trying something difficult. Even the supportive friend or spouse has revealed something positive about themselves.

Both marathons I've run could be framed as dissapointments. Each time, I ran much slower than I wanted, and was in great pain by the end. But I did it. And I was proud of simply finishing the races. What made my second marathon even more special was the fact that, after finishing my marathon, I went back into the race and ran with my girlfriend, helping her finish the last 5k or so of her race.

For a little while, I focused on my own poor performance, and I was sad about it. But by doing this exercise I was able to reframe it and realize the positives:

I didn't get the time I wanted, but I was still faster than last year. And because I’m a dreamer, my ambitious goal time shows that I set big goals, even if I don’t always reach them. And in this race, I pushed through even when it hurt. And my training wasn't a waste. Even though I was in pain, I was strong enough to go back and run with my girlfriend. And, at 35K, when I felt slow and like the whole thing would be a disaster, I picked up the pace and ran a lot faster than I thought I would to close out the race.

I didn't get the time I wanted, but I did it, and I was able to support someone else. That is a kind of winning.

While some people use disappointment as fuel to achieve more, I think it usually doesn't work that way--we need to see some hope amidst the pain to truly want to keep going. Reframing a poor performance in the most optimistic light possible helped me keep going and keep running to this day.

This exercise reminds us that even 'failures'--injuries, slow performances, aborted attempts, reveal a positive and hopeful side of ourselves. By looking at 'bad' events with hope, we take back our power to move forward.

The same thing goes for breakups, job losses, or other major events which are difficult but almost inevitable parts of life. Life is composed of a series of wins and losses, and what matters is continuing to move forward. This exercise has helped me move forward.

Reframe your relationship to work with the Quiet CV workbook.

I’ve learned that even amidst pain there are valuable lessons or things to be grateful for. One very difficult breakup taught me my own red lines, what I need in relationships, and what type of person I can or can’t be with. Instead of framing that relationship as a waste of time, I choose to instead look it at as valuable lesson in what I need, and how I can be a supportive partner.

Even in deeply regretted mistakes or events can we find a silver lining of optimism, whether in the way we persist and learn, in the knowledge and legacy we can share with others, or by embracing our strength to persist.

Can everyone do this?

Of course, there are edge cases or situations where this exercise perhaps should not be done. I don’t mean to imply that victims of horrible injustice can simply write a few sentences, reframe the whole experience, and realize their trauma was good.

The point of the exercise is to reclaim your optimism and control over your own life, and if you do not feel you can do so at this time, you may not want to do this. I cannot tell you how to interpret your own difficult times. And this exercise isn’t medical advice or a substitute for therapy or help. But, if you choose to do this despite a tough past, it is worth noting that some survivors of injustice have argued that the way we interpret events is our last act of freedom or defiance.

Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl famously wrote: “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”

This is a powerful call to action, but it is important to treat yourself with kindness and grace even if your interpretation of events is negative, and so I do not mean that this exercise is a cure-all for every event.

Of course, I cannot choose for you whether this fits into your life. All I can say is that I have found that writing the most optimistic interpretation of my own life is very helpful to reframe adversity and reclaim my own sense of hope and agency.

Can you do this for others too?

This exercise isn't just about yourself, it's also a gift you can give others. If a friend feels sad about a situation, you can comfort them, and if the time is right, you can help them find ways to reframe their own story.

Sometimes it takes someone with a different perspective to reframe a situation, and help someone else see things from a new perspective. Of course, the best way to do this depends on your friendship and relationship, which is a personal question.

Does research support this exercise?

I started doing this because it made me feel better, not because of any scientific backing. But as I dug into it a bit, I learned that psychological research appears to support the ideas of this writing exercise: For example, Pennebaker and Beal’s seminal 1986 study on expressive writing found that writing about a traumatic event initially surfaced difficult emotions, but seemingly resulted in long-term mental health benefits. Academics too numerous to mention at length have also written about the power of journaling. While writing about our lives is certainly not a cure all, it may have real benefits. (I may dive deeper into this research in a future post)

If you’d like to share your own stories of overcoming adversity, or reframing a major (or minor) difficulty you’ve faced, I’d love to see it in the comments.

Thanks so much!

Alex

Thanks for reading Poetry Culture! If you liked this post, you can support us by buying us a coffee, checking out our merch, or signing up for a paid subscription.

Thanks so much <3

Poetry Culture explores ways to live a more creative and meaningful life. Poetry Culture was founded by Alexander Webb, a freelance writer for the New York Times and National Geographic. Alexander is also the founder of indie band Lonely Singles.