facing ourselves is the most underrated favor we can do for ourselves. for me, the most optimistic version would be a combination of controlling my time, staying healthy (or at least recovering quickly from illness), and freedom from desires I don't really need. plus staying closed with my wife and kids. but I feel like kids grow up at light's speed so just be with my wife would be lovely.
Thank you for this Alex. A couple of years ago I spent a week with my mother in our family home in which she was dying. We had almost become estranged, my brother too, due to a very challenging decade due to her struggles with her mental health. Post covid she became reclusive and withdrawn. It was one of the best experiences of my life I sang to her, washed her feet, brushed her hair and whispered all the memories of my childhood to her and lay down beside her as she slipped away. I found bags and bags of photos from her parents house after she died and began to piece together the person that she was independently of being my mother and the suffering of the last ten years of her life. I am going to write poetry about her and the experience but I am not quite ready yet, it sits with me like a flower about to bud.
That's a profound and beautiful and difficult experience. It's so important to do it when you're ready. I had a somewhat similar experience with my grandmothers passing and I noted some of the emotion came much later. I wish you all the best and thank you for sharing such a meaningful memory of your life. All the best always
Alex, I love this and you explained how the exercise works so well. There is a psychologist called Carol Dweck, she talks about the “growth” mindset and how to use failures as leverage and lessons instead of making them a part of our identity (the fixed mindset). Pain points the path to where we need to go, we shouldn’t always be afraid of it. Great article! (Also, running a marathon is no joke)
Thank you so much Genie! I will have to delve deeper into the academic research in this topic area! Really appreciate your suggestion. I hope to write more on this topic soon—until then, if you haven’t checked it out I hope you’ll try the free workbook and writing exercise we have just published —it’s about a new way to write a CV that reclaims your inner value. https://poetryculture.substack.com/p/what-would-you-put-on-your-cv-if
This is such a great article! Like your episode about running marathon is an allegory to so many things in life as well. The way a few defeats overwhelm us so much that we forget to turn around and look back how far we have come. Thank you for writing this, almost felt like this article found me haha.
I have lived my whole life expecting the worst. And being surprised by how much better it was in the end. I am not certain that optimism is the right outfit to wear, when there is no food in the cupboard, the roof is leaking, and wolves are at the door. I cannot wrap my poetry in optimism, it is a lie. It is statistics misused. I am self-described as pragmatic. The mountain is glorious but someday it will fall. Farmers will tell you rain is required to fill the store shelves. Sunshine is needed but too much and we burn. Colour me Eeyore, for me broken balloons are great wonder when stored in empty honeypots.
‘I have lived my whole life expecting the worst, and being surprised how much better it was in the end.” Is actually quite a beautiful statement Istvan!
I agree you definitely need a balance, and certain emotions or strategies are best for certain places or times.
Thank you for sharing your writing approach! I’ve been learning about stoic philosophy principles to reframe how I examine my life, the wins and the losses. One such practice is very similar to yours. A bedtime meditation and writing session to count your blessings on what’s going well, and naming the day’s shortcomings to try to approach differently tomorrow. It’s a game changer.
Thank you so much for the comment Julia! That is a lovely practice. I try to write thanks at the end or start of each day as well although I am really inconsistent in doing it. I need to try to get better. Do you find it difficult to remember to do every day? It’s weird for me, I’ll have a long streak and it seems I’ll never stop then I wake up two weeks later and realize I left life get in the way and I didn’t do it for so long.
That’s so relatable. Sometimes I merely reflect when the moment strikes, other times I reflect and write down thoughts. It’s not always consistent but I always find my way back to it.
Thank you for your comment Emmette! I do think it's important to reframe things like you say. It doesn't always get rid of the pain but it can show us a way forward. Hope you're doing great
Wow that is an incredible experience. I am so glad you are here with us. That must be a life changing experience? Do you want to talk about it? I would love to hear more how it changed you, but only if you’re comfortable to share
facing ourselves is the most underrated favor we can do for ourselves. for me, the most optimistic version would be a combination of controlling my time, staying healthy (or at least recovering quickly from illness), and freedom from desires I don't really need. plus staying closed with my wife and kids. but I feel like kids grow up at light's speed so just be with my wife would be lovely.
That’s a beautiful vision and an important reminder that family is what truly matters at the end of the day. <3 thank you for reading as always Franco
Thank you for this Alex. A couple of years ago I spent a week with my mother in our family home in which she was dying. We had almost become estranged, my brother too, due to a very challenging decade due to her struggles with her mental health. Post covid she became reclusive and withdrawn. It was one of the best experiences of my life I sang to her, washed her feet, brushed her hair and whispered all the memories of my childhood to her and lay down beside her as she slipped away. I found bags and bags of photos from her parents house after she died and began to piece together the person that she was independently of being my mother and the suffering of the last ten years of her life. I am going to write poetry about her and the experience but I am not quite ready yet, it sits with me like a flower about to bud.
That's a profound and beautiful and difficult experience. It's so important to do it when you're ready. I had a somewhat similar experience with my grandmothers passing and I noted some of the emotion came much later. I wish you all the best and thank you for sharing such a meaningful memory of your life. All the best always
Alex, I love this and you explained how the exercise works so well. There is a psychologist called Carol Dweck, she talks about the “growth” mindset and how to use failures as leverage and lessons instead of making them a part of our identity (the fixed mindset). Pain points the path to where we need to go, we shouldn’t always be afraid of it. Great article! (Also, running a marathon is no joke)
Thank you so much Genie! I will have to delve deeper into the academic research in this topic area! Really appreciate your suggestion. I hope to write more on this topic soon—until then, if you haven’t checked it out I hope you’ll try the free workbook and writing exercise we have just published —it’s about a new way to write a CV that reclaims your inner value. https://poetryculture.substack.com/p/what-would-you-put-on-your-cv-if
This is such a great article! Like your episode about running marathon is an allegory to so many things in life as well. The way a few defeats overwhelm us so much that we forget to turn around and look back how far we have come. Thank you for writing this, almost felt like this article found me haha.
Thank you so much Pahuna, I’m really glad it resonated with you! We will be releasing more exercises and workbooks soon—if you haven’t seen it check out our latest post which links to a free workbook! https://poetryculture.substack.com/p/what-would-you-put-on-your-cv-if
I have lived my whole life expecting the worst. And being surprised by how much better it was in the end. I am not certain that optimism is the right outfit to wear, when there is no food in the cupboard, the roof is leaking, and wolves are at the door. I cannot wrap my poetry in optimism, it is a lie. It is statistics misused. I am self-described as pragmatic. The mountain is glorious but someday it will fall. Farmers will tell you rain is required to fill the store shelves. Sunshine is needed but too much and we burn. Colour me Eeyore, for me broken balloons are great wonder when stored in empty honeypots.
‘I have lived my whole life expecting the worst, and being surprised how much better it was in the end.” Is actually quite a beautiful statement Istvan!
I agree you definitely need a balance, and certain emotions or strategies are best for certain places or times.
Thank you for sharing your writing approach! I’ve been learning about stoic philosophy principles to reframe how I examine my life, the wins and the losses. One such practice is very similar to yours. A bedtime meditation and writing session to count your blessings on what’s going well, and naming the day’s shortcomings to try to approach differently tomorrow. It’s a game changer.
Thank you so much for the comment Julia! That is a lovely practice. I try to write thanks at the end or start of each day as well although I am really inconsistent in doing it. I need to try to get better. Do you find it difficult to remember to do every day? It’s weird for me, I’ll have a long streak and it seems I’ll never stop then I wake up two weeks later and realize I left life get in the way and I didn’t do it for so long.
That’s so relatable. Sometimes I merely reflect when the moment strikes, other times I reflect and write down thoughts. It’s not always consistent but I always find my way back to it.
Yesss do it all the time… gives you something to walk towards ;)
Thank you for the comment! I’m glad you also do it—great minds think alike!
Oh so great thank you
Thank you for reading! I’m glad it resonated and hope it provides you with many years of joy and support, as it has for me
I really enjoyed this one; the journaling and self-reflection felt therapeutic.
It’s really helped me, I’m really glad you like it!
https://www.substack.com/@wlorenzocromwell
Thank you for your comment Emmette! I do think it's important to reframe things like you say. It doesn't always get rid of the pain but it can show us a way forward. Hope you're doing great
All depends on the individual, I think! Might do a post later talking more specifically!
Wow that is an incredible experience. I am so glad you are here with us. That must be a life changing experience? Do you want to talk about it? I would love to hear more how it changed you, but only if you’re comfortable to share